WELCOME

Terrified a little, delighted a lot,

Can’t control my joy,yet fingers are crossed.

Forbearer of our love, love converted to life,

Once this life was ours, now I gave what was mine.

Welcoming the gift of GOD, so splendid yet so petite,

Blessed I am with a beautiful angel, who has our gift inside.

Can’t wait to see those first movements, those cries and the tiny smiles,

Can’t wait to see the resemblance, feeling so high in the sky.

My whole world seems to converge in them,

Feels rejuvenated; life found a new meaning through them.

Blissful will I be with those tiny first steps,

My hearts seems to melt of thinking what holds next.

Someone’s tiny hands, clinging to my fingers,

Looking up at me, these thoughts seldom gives me shivers.

Thanks my love my god and thanks for this soul,

Oh , how lucky will I be, to hold you in my arm.

Millions of dreams, millions of bliss,

Let’s welcome together our greatest gift.

Let’s tread the path holding our hands together,

Its call for a treat n toast lets party together.

My eyes are full with tears of joy,

Fascinated I am with the entire GODs ploy.

I open up my arms and welcome my part,

Oh my love lets love our baby till life will last.

SHE DOESNT KNOW

She walks on the streets making heads turn around, with whistles blowing from somewhere,  

And her having no idea what the fuss is all about,

Yet she doesn’t know how beautiful she is for all trouble she makes around.

Her tussled hairs make her feels messy, that’s time when I like her most,

Those eyes peep through her silky hairs, with innocence and look of mocking disguise.

She doesn’t know how beautiful she is, as my heart skips with her playful strides,

She holds my hands and swings her arms, with gullibility to capture dreams in all her might.

That reflection of sunshine from her smooth skin, Makes her glow and blush like an angel,

Yet she tries to cover herself from my admiration, coz she doesn’t know how beautiful she is.

Like waves on beach comes and goes, she flutters her eyes asking those heavenly questions,

My nerves get uncontrolled with ardor and fervor,

She still gets confused for she doesn’t know how beautiful she is.

Like lighthouse lights up dark, her clothes shine her of aura she beholds,

Yet she tussles and fusses with her dress, for she still doesn’t realize how beautiful she is.

Cascade like pearls from waterfalls, as dewdrops from leaves that falls,

She thinks she is a mess when she cries, with tears drooping from her watery eyes,

Oh GOD for heaven’s sake please tells her she is more beautiful when she cries.

Those uncorrupt smiles and guiltless laughter, like a gentle wind flowing through the wood,

Creating the symphony and a harmony in my ears,

Still tries to control and doesn’t realize how beautiful she becomes, when she smiles.

The thump of her heart when she closely hugs me, yet restraint she shows murders me,

Alas!! Someone tell her to be free, coz there is nothing as beautiful for me as she.

The songs she hums and sings in her voice, swaying like a bird in trance to rhythmic rejoice,

The picture perfect symbol of Venus, Yet she stems herself for she doesn’t know how beautiful she is.

The truthfulness in her soul wonders me, how uncorrupt and pure someone can be,

She still wonders why I smile when I am with her,

It’s because I like her, I want her and I need her.

For all I only wish she can only know how beautiful she is.

ALIVE

U r alive coz of urge tht drives d life
U r alive coz of fire & dreams in ur eye
Live like wiff of air or water that flow coz u r alive
Try merging ur soul in u coz u r alive
embrace d present coz u r alive
Make ur existence coz u r alive
Its coz u have smthng in your heart u r alive
Its not only breathe n beat of heart tht u r alive
Its ur spirit n freedom to explore tht keeps u alive..njoy ur weekend coz u r a..

CHILDHOOD

CHILDHOOD

When that smiling kid had grown,

Was it too quick and unknown?

Felt like those moments were from yesterday,

Sadly there are things that can never stay.

 Remembrance of the morning alarms,

Playing with toothpaste, asking parents some alms.

Terrified times with a bag and bottle, heart afraid of schools,

Trudge sadly in and joyful returns from those rooms.

Curiosity and Excitement omnipresent,

That early morning smell of grass and attendance,

Those early morning sound of dew drops,

Crackling of wet leaves by sunshine,

With those careless muddy falls in the playgrounds.

Those stupid urges to see the girls,

And felt shivers by those slight touches.

Oh, that running scared after the first kiss,

Memories, too foolish, yet so fresh.

Those first puffs of the smoke,

The frenzy eyed fear for the taste of first liquor,

The gasping awe and shock of the adult stuff,

with uncontrolled excitement hidden on those stories.

Teaming and Bullying with other kids,

Marking territories and the urge to kill,

That unending happiness with umpteenth energy,

To take on the world with those little clumsy hands.

Sad and Myriad feelings when in the house,

Nagging and bashing on every tantrums,

Those fake studies with comics inside books,

And confrontation of report cards with elders on the hook.

Hunger for few achievements and accolades,

That dying thirst for a few praises,

Always tethered as would a bad example,

Sucking oneself deep in more lies and deceit.

That innocent laughter after some pranks,

And those funny reactions for covering the tracks,

With certainty for some inevitable bashings,

And the innocent swearing of never repeating them again.

Everything has become so hazy now,

This wasn’t the future that was promised for,

Wish could have lived life more freely,

If I could have only known the ordeal would be same. 

MY HANGOVER

MY HANGOVER


Though I don’t drink anymore, yet during engineering days was an occasional drinker. Well it so happened one fine morning after a heavy bout with drinks I woke up at around 11 A.M. in morning and saw myself lying in one of my friends room, with clothes I was wearing ( yeah on :P )all dirty in a complete mess.

My head was spinning round n round and couldn’t remember anything except the last thing I had gulped down 3 beers, right after one bottle of RUM old Monk quarter neat,,, and whoshhhhh that was it!!!! I was struggling very hard to think. I was holding my head and sitting in front of the cooler, all silent and the smell of the air coming out from it. 2 of my friends were sleeping besides me, and the third one, the culprit, my crime partner shouting from the kitchen that he is coming.

As he entered with 4 cups of tea on a tray the other 2 rose from their dead, looked at me and started laughing, and laughed like hell pointing fingers at me and laughing incessantly …. I didn’t had any clue what was the reason ………please stop, I said. I asked them “tell me what happened it was 9 in the night till the time I was in my senses ….please tell something “ and there they were kaminey rolling on the floor, I tried recalling …how did I reached this room ?,,,what happened? The only answer I got from my “friends” was not to go out for a week or so, as people were on a hunt for me. After like an eternity one of them started speaking:

So Manu, u really know, how awesome you were yesterday night?? Obviously not u fool!!!And so he started:

After 9 P.M. I demanded one more quarter Rum as I felt was not getting real high by Beer. The funniest part, I was speaking in English, even the slangs in English!! at a place like that …with the waiter bearing the brunt of having no idea that I was remembering his family ….and that too with an accent …….completely clueless . Everyone was staring at me with the most surprised gaze( in Gwalior its not common that someone is speaking to waiter in English, whatever it is ) ……and my friends saying “ abbey baith jaa kyon nautanki kar raha hai “ but OH BOY! Did they knew about it and here I was telling them nahi be “What the hell they think am I drunk or what?? Oye Waiter what the hell are you looking at me like a dumbass, haven’t u seen me before, ( yes it was true we frequented out AHATA, yet I was amongst the most quite ones and friend of the owner ) bring me a quarter ASAP else u know shoving my fist at his face …….you sonofab****…and some @##$(@*$@*##)_(% and lots of beep beep. It also happened I must have been hungry and took something from someone’s table. The guy obviously objected and...All hell broke loose. I forcibly pushed him back to his chair( u keep on forgetting I was the king and what I liked was mine) ……nyhow I dunno how my friends and his friends got over the situation …...but the tragedy was averted( for a moment).



The Payment : Yes obviously I wanted to pay the bill of some 500 bucks with 200 Rs cash + Debit card.….and imagine a place frequented by drunkards the card system …and with my situation…all things messy , but temme frankly would you let your friends pay when you are the king ? Noooo, not at all and here my dear waiter fixed and transposed looking at me point blank to what I was saying in an alien language:P :P……luckily one of my friend told him to take it and stealthily went to the counter paid rest in cash and brought the card back….( It was as told by him, and intelligent they were he took my mobile and my wallet with him coz they knew the situation had gone way out of hand )



AUTO – though we had our famous misguided missile (name of our YAMAHA 100 cc, to be specific owned by one of our friends but used by everyone) with us, it seemed suitable to two of them to take an auto to our safe house …. I as usual was taking initiative on everything and for a moment while they were talking to some other Auto driver I was keen on haggling on prices with someone else. It now so happened what they didn’t knew how did the fight started but next thing they saw the driver was on the ground,,I might have punched or forced him down but it just not ended here, I was trying to overturn that auto …tryin with all my might and people stopping but that day Hercules must have entered in me , and in around 10 seconds the AUTO was turned on its side with people looking and enjoying. The scene would have gone ugly if my friends would not have taken me away from the place.



Around 10.30 second auto – we decided to walk through a shortcut and avoid main road go to a friend’s room, but it so happened while passing another dreadful ( I mean dreadful Auto for my friends ) was parked in the night with no driver…It was like a big moan from their mouth and my eyes sparkling…probably the driver must also be getting high, and because of my earlier success it was with such sudden happiness and joy I ran towards it that my friends couldn’t even stopped me ,a dn here I was trying to heave it onto its side and in almost seconds it was all toppled over and Ohh boy we laughed at the insanity of our actions and sat on the road and laughed with all our might …just then with the advent of two headlights, we had to take cover , the driver braked for a while watching the auto’s condition but decided to leave it that way and went and here we were back to our track ,,me singing Boyzone and Peter Andre and these guys cursing and laughing at me ….but to their dismay they didn’t knew before the turn toward the room there was CCD ( yes CAFÉ COFFEE DAY ) a new gem added to Gwalior ,,,,and me being so English with English liquor and the English all over, with their lights my heart soared and there went down ..:P :P ( I could imagine the possibility of the situation and with their feeble attempts to control my actions me being almost 3 inches taller and almost 20 Kgs more than them   must have been a sight to watch.



So , I came inside and asked for an IRISH coffee , out of three names I knew this one popped in my head dunno why ….and that to a pure accentuated English ,,,can I have a cup of IRISH COFFEE please standing on there counter……



SORRY SIR …11 baje band ho jata hai !!!!

WHAT the F**K u mean to say “ BAND ho jata hai “ ..ur supposed to provide 24 hours service and here u r denying your customer a cup of coffee, what happened to your promise to give us quality service and blah blah blah which even my friends lost the account of …………..:)

The only thing was, it got sorted out when one of the managers came and politely, and I mean in the most polite manner(angreji ) SIR we are very sorry to say we can’t serve it to you we are closed as POLICE has ordered to close the place at 11 in the night . I am sure the word Police might have helped me to move out from the place because the previous encounters I had with them knew were very painful, but while leaving I asked everyone to run as fast as they can and so would I in a minute ….one of them asked very politely .. BUT WHY??you want to run Manu?? ,,its only like half a kilometer now and we can climb the boundary and can go ??? So we won’t worry. ( hahah i must have been laughing my guts out)

THE ANSWER WAS – showing them a big stone and the tempting CCD glasses…how the hell did they denied me coffee…..( and here we were presently all laughing when this part came , even I couldn’t stop at my stupidity ) and I flung the stone at the glass . Though the glass was very heavy duty yet in next two or three days we came to know that it got a big crack, and for some reasons CCD didn’t lodged any official complaint or what but were very sure we were the university students there most favored customers …..



And here we were running but KUDOS to the friendship, they didn’t let me run into a ditch or something though I fell down twice or thrice but yet My spirit and the English Spirit kept me running , till the time we reached the doorsteps of the safe house .



After that it was the usual stuff of me being the big brother of everyone and if anything comes I was there to save them, and yes off course no one dared to talk to their girlfriends on that night but yes those bastards switched on the mobile and let my conversation all decked up with alankars and English verbology , with long inspirational speeches were heard by all in the girls hostel at the other hand …….



And here I was looking at them with surprised eyes , kya be itna hogaya roka bhi nahi ….and they saying saale tu rukk raha tah bulldozer ban gaya tha kal …..:) 

Quite a drink was it  

CYNICAL IMPOTENCE

Whenever we start writing something it’s always subjected to its era, which then accedes with generalizations. After having read many books on wisdom and intellectualism, majority of the time the major struggle is between individuality vs. collectivity. 

But to be very frank this is not a philosophical treatise, but a daily account of humdrum affairs, questioning the role of existence and reasoning to stay in the world. As for contributions it’s a total mayhem and chaos as every individual thinks his contribution as one of the supreme. But what really is that contribution? And what exactly is the meaningful existence?  

In real life whenever we face situations there are two options: either to identify the situation and graft the antidote or to gloom down into a state of Impotence …CYNICAL IMPOTENCE. IMPOTENCE here implies the incapability to do what you are supposed to do and hence provide results…. it also implies state of human mind that lapses into conciliation of affairs, which though going in opposite direction one believes to be going with them.  Thus it finally dawns, that you are sane and cynical enough to know the problems but impotent enough to overlook and thus face it which brings in evasiveness towards the whole scenario. If you talk about intellectualism, it isn’t only judged by the IQs or some random scores but is a complete combination of both cultural and socio facts which you weave around yourself. Problem befalls after constantly overlooking and forgetting the whole situation i.e. THE OSTRICH EFFECT comes into play, subconsciously the facts gets into the heart that nothing is wrong and ultimately you become insignificant in your own life.

It is said a human mind is impotent, reality is unknowable, the knowledge is an illusion and reasoning are superstitious, but can’t it be also an equation of inert depravity by the uncontrolled forces and hence the helplessness of the human mind. Therefore some serious assertions lies in front we start hating virtues (80% have lost track of it) and forgive everything except greatness. Talking about greatness whenever there is a compelling stupendous example of greatness from inner side or outside element, mind tends to backtrack on negativity and hence start finding out reasons and then compares them with the present lot, but then again we tend to forget that these are examples where the cynical impotence was overcome by grit or determination and in majority of the cases by virtue. The percolations of compromises are the biggest curse on human mind which comes with time, acceptance and defeat.Well things are also sometime deceitful, and sometimes an image of boastful self-abasement takes place, which enshrouds fear of not being identified by masses and  at the same time being different from what the “uncommon” should be , the grounds of checklists are to be corrected again!!

Therefore I  request my friends , for the sake of what is best on you do not give up for the worst of them living there pathetic , plethoric and insignificant goalless life . Do not change the values and virtues in you by seeing some spineless cowards who wouldn’t even let you reach this state .Do not lose the knowledge of that one step and significance of your quest for excellence. Do not let the fire in you dwindle by the negativity and impossible-ness of the facts. The hero in you need not to be quelled just because the life what you thought and the life you got has a big difference. Just check the nature and the path of the road, if that world exist you can own it, or else it would be worth an effort. Ultimately overcome your cynical approach or become insane in pursuing what you know is worth.

JUST REMEMBER these words humans are sacrificial animals whose existence is to please others, more people you please in your life more famous you are. Just give a fight for the rationality of your mind, transparency of facts with absolute surety that your morality and your meaning of life and method to find the quest where the greatest than any other joy, any other grandeur, any other happiness in the world.  Just give me an oath that WE SWEAR we wouldn’t live our life for the sake of others and not others live the life for our sake!!!! Overcome this cocoon, your so called cynical acceptance.

POIGNANT LEXIS

YAYAYAYA probably thinking another poetry but didn’t feel like to so here are some simple annotations.


Nyways with people around me getting married and tying nuptial knots also looking at the people who already are tied, oops taken a vow to spend their 7 births(gosh doesn’t that seems a bit too optimistic) …..Was thinking is it really that necessary and mandatory to be with someone. I mean, yes there is love there is selflessness, care and responsibilities and then age old tirade to be with someone in old age as loneliness will scoff and chomp you out. But do we stick around when God Sent affirmation irrespective of this so called thing RELIGION, I mean the method you were tied to your loved ones is bestowed upon us.

Interestingly at this juncture and age everyone is awfully curious looking for their Mr. Perfect and Mrs. Right…that judgments seep through impossibly fast. Well is it the social pressure or the loneliness bug that eats you which compels you to change sometimes so drastically?? …..Be nice open hearted care for your better half. But regrettably you decide to look for yourself also ooo a serious crime in these turbulent times as the common human tendency …ehh trying to stand on two boats and row in one!!! Are you? Precisely this is the age for you to metamorphose, get accustomed to the traditions and yes be a vanguard of our great society…..and then Ultimate realization struck you MAA KI AANKH …..WHO AM I or to be blunt WHO WAS I ???


It’s not as if you are self centered absorbed moron philosophizing about oneself, but a normal complete simple idiotic person thinking of changing in the world through his goodliness. Profit was not materialistic but it was as naïve & innocent as what you cherished and desired and you did. Buttt and yes I mean a big but, after the sacred tie Lolz you gifted, you squandered your happiness. Don’t try to pinpoint & blame, because you only chose to be in this situation and mixed your trust and life and shared with the other’s life, its genuine, you can’t abscond and run as someone else has (hopefully :P) bequeathed everything for you with utmost faith( THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MAJORITY THINKS). Amazed hope so then? So why this whole idea of coming together was it Love, Infatuation or getting it stamped & approved by the torchbearers of society and God given relations and then ultimately going thru the ordeal ,,,,,,guess what the GEN X came with a trend called LIVIN or staying together.. get to know each other and then deciding for the trademark stamp … (haha forgive me for using the word stamp,,, but it suxx yeah the whole approval , does Love really needs a certification or is it a demonic barbarian invading the life ) ….yeahhhh so this Livin relation was like a Supernova solution to this “PROBLEM” …..M sorry folks it backfired, extreme and utter failure resulting in more chaotic situations …you probably will ask – REASONS!! Observation stands as a definition” before being together you acted what you wanted to be portrayed but when u move together ….the TAKENFORGRANTED effect looms large and then starts the differences, differences in opinions, differences in thinking, differences in life style the whole differences in life and probably the whole foundation is shaken by the difference of what is real and what is surreal…. which in other case would have been to a little extent and would have subsided had u been under the glory of stamped authorization ( LOLzz I simple hate it ) ……coz in the end you are a pauper and miser and need someone some or the other time. Well people go even beyond that and take extreme steps like EMA (Extreme no no Extra marital affairs :P :P and oops m I sounding a bit harsh but Hell yeah DIVORCE ) but let’s not delve into them……..:)


So Manu u say both are bad!!!! …Nooooooo but tell me frankly doesn’t then life becomes synonymous to adjustment in every aspect in both the cases. Well for the sake of being together or for your own mental and physical needs or for your societal imagery or whatever maybe it is only the law of nature that everything loses its shine with time and that what happens with relations now a days and so people need a change and a break and if something uncommon is there THATSS ATTRACTIVE!!!

Was watching a South African movie where the black gangster asks his White rich wife that what is it that attracts you rich white people to the black neighborhood?? The Answer was POVERTY …damn just because they are polar opposites you are attracted……wait a minute Physics also say so Gosh and somebody croons Bad GUYS get the best !!!

Interestingly the ever changing trend and incomplete evolution of life style the vociferousness has increased staggeringly high at a level where emotional quotient has stooped very low and so called dogmatism has entered into the belief system. Stigma of those days when adjustment used to take a face of submission then ultimately helplessness that nothing can’t be done has gone. And so an interesting aspect of righteousness of women and equality prevailed for good, gone are the days when the tethered were controlled on a whimsical pattern of the male dominated society. Well, that has also created a difference and rift because those in need of this understanding and belief are still the ones that are left out either due to extra zealousness or total oblivion of the facts that change has occurred …but as always happens the cons of any trends are more effective and devastating, and bearing the brunt are relations. (Don’t know why it is said a woman is a women’s worst enemy). Eventually what trickles down is:

The ego clashes and the urge for an understanding by their better halves will always be present rrespective of facts that the implied quotient and understanding will be more dominated than straightforwardness.

Second the cry for freedom & possessiveness will be there no matter how much liberty relationship enjoys, and hence will be a tight rope between freedoms and “Do not care for me anymore “thing. If it’s lack of freedom you know all hell break loose, but if it’s more of freedom and something goes awry in that assumed feeling of stupidity and freedom, one get enlightens of the so called your perceive and implied fact that other cares for you no more, because of guilty. Point blank either don’t feel guilty and have faith or do not ever attempt to do and then try to take in confidence.

And let’s not discuss about the impact of “Other People” in personal lives.

DRUGS for NOTHING

Staring at you -----oh my death,

M all so Numb and Drained.

You promised the ecstasy, I traded my innocence,

You promised me liberty, I traded my soul,

You promised me life; I traded myself for you…

N now look how fucked m I,

You broke my heart o bitchy HEROINE ,

Or you loved me cozz I was high on cocaine.

Now so full of delusions and convulsions.

Staring at you -----oh my death,

M all so Numb and Drained.

You embraced me..Oh the queen of pain,

You tingled and jostled all my body,

Orgasmic gasps and, cuddled couches,

Oh FUCK- the deceit never ends,

The betrayals everlasting,

Atlast you ate my life you ate my soul.

Staring at you -----oh my death,

M all so Numb and Drained.

You controlled my senses , you promised to stay,

Meth my love you stabbed my back.

Am I sexed or fucked I don’t know, confused and puked all over

Where I am to go .

For the sweet taste I used to crave has taken me to the grave.

You flirted me , tested me, sensed me,

But m sketching and crashing,

And my hearts breaks with the shakes. And here now I stand alone.

Staring at you -----oh my death,

M all so Numb and Drained.

You made me your servant was your loyal slave,

Derogatory human and full of appall,

I made you my king and queen to serve you night and day,

Now m dying here in the cold all alone.

You enticed me with your charms,

But I am left with the thorns,

Fucked and screwed by myself,

I am now ready to die, though was not a choice but was a gift from you .

The magical potion were an illusion, you were the lethal poison,

My life, my sorrows,, my deeds, my mistakes,

I owe this to addiction and to the stupidity,

And still here I am bereaved,

Staring at you---oh my death,

M so numb and drained.